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Thursday, December 17, 2015

The Ridiculous And Strange Talents Of My Children

My children are wildly talented.

I could sit here and brag all day about how Anna can out-Math the Math-iest person in all of Math-dom or  how David can sing the background music to just about any movie he's ever watched, but that's Christmas newsletter fodder and you certainly don't need to read me droning on about all that.

No, today, I want to talk about their lesser-known talents. Stuff that still amazes me every time I see or hear it. Here is a list of some of my children's more amazing feats:

  • My daughter cannot stand on an area rug without rumpling it hopelessly beneath her feet. Even if it's just for a moment. Sometimes, the rug will end up across the room! And she's not a fidgety person, so I have no idea how she accomplishes this.
  • My son can smell bacon cooking from six counties away.
  • My daughter can drink all but 1/10th of an ounce of any beverage, and still return it to the refrigerator. There will perhaps be enough left in the container to moisten a Q-Tip, and therefore, she did not finish it and is not obligated to throw the container away.
  • My son can somehow remove a single sock - just one - and have absolutely no memory of where the discarded sock ended up. None.
  • My daughter can instinctively sense when a beverage has become contaminated with life-threatening bacteria. This is approximately seven minutes after she pours it into the cup, and therefore, if she becomes thirsty, she must pour herself a "fresh" cup because the previous cup (no matter how full or still-chilled) is "old."
  • My son can remember every single embarrassing thing that ever happened in his presence, and will never fail to bring it up in front of a fresh audience. It's uncanny, how he does it.
These are but some of their outstanding talents. Every day, I'm amazed by the new levels they achieve.

(And let me sidetrack a moment to laugh out loud at that stock photo above. That is not my bathroom! That hideous Brady-Bunch green toilet seat! And what is that on the rug? Rocks and berries? There are no rocks and berries on the floor of my bathroom. At least, I don't think there are. I have kids. You never know.)

Tell me, Readers - what amazing talents do your kids have?

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