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Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Being A Mom Means Knowing When To Butt The Hell Out

My daughter is in a relationship.

And while she certainly doesn't tell me every little thing that goes on between the two of them, snippets leak out here and there, or I observe them together, and it's all I can do to keep my tongue behind my teeth.

It's nothing horrendous, mind you - just normal teen drama and young love angst. Neither one of them think the other loves as much as they do, neither one think they're worthy of the other's love, despite all protestations to the contrary.

Such is love.

And as a Mom who's lived and loved, the words come easily to my lips.

"That's disrespectful. That shouldn't be happening."

"Why did you treat them that way? What did you expect them to do?"

"Why are you worrying about this crap?" 

"Stay out of the drama."

Easy words, from someone who's lived a lifetime and learned that sticking up for yourself is both a necessity and a fine line when you're talking about a relationship. Demanding respect does not mean demanding that it all be about you. The back-and-forth dynamics of a working relationship are something you can't really quantify in general terms because they're unique to those two particular individuals.

Yes, I have a wealth of experience (despite a failed marriage) and a lifetime of experiences and a love for my kid that ensures I want the best for her.

And what's best for her is that I shut the hell up and let her figure this stuff out on her own, because that's how you grow and learn and love. If she asks, I'll tell her what I think, and if I truly ever felt there was an abusive situation going on I would not hesitate to intervene. But for this learning, growing, back-and-forth, I must stand mute.

Live and learn, baby girl. Live and learn.

And love. Love and be loved, and wring every blessed moment out of all of it.

I'll be here, watching, and biting my lip.

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