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Monday, September 7, 2015

In Honor Of Labor Day...What's The Most Ridiculous Thing You Ever Got Reprimanded For On The Job?

I've held all sorts of jobs in my life. My very first was at a deli in my hometown - the very first place I ever tried a bagel and cream cheese, as a matter of fact. The owner allowed us all to charge food and was a complete maniac about accounting for every drop of soda we put in a cup, every condment we added to a sandwich and every broken cookie we ate at a 15% discount. He only gave us 5% off our meals as employees to begin with, so you can bet that when he wasn't in the store, just about everybody helped themselves. To a bunch of teenagers it just seemed like a way to stick it to a really stingy guy, but having been a small business owner myself now, I know that every penny is...well, every penny.

But I've also learned that the best bosses are the ones who know how to reward hard work (whether that's a free meal on a long shift or a bonus in a paycheck) and still be firm enough to round up the slackers.

I think the stupidest thing I've ever been reprimanded for was doing my job. I was working at a fast food place one summer home from college, and it was literally my last night of work. Things were slow, so the assistant manager decided to send me home two hours early to save some payroll. I had to wait for my Dad to come and pick me up, and since my shift was ending earlier than expected, I hadn't cleaned out the drive through station I was working (after a certain time, they cleaned out the warmers, fridge, etc in that area and worked from the main area). I didn't want anyone stuck having to do it, and I had time to kill, so I started cleaning it out. This assistant manager had a serious god complex and started screaming at me that I was no longer an employee and I had to leave. Now.

This store was on a stretch of highway and it was eleven o'clock at night. I couldn't very well start walking, so I shook my head at his idiocy, apologized to my coworkers for not being able to help them, bought myself a soda and I sat down. He actually came out with a write-up and ordered me to sign it and leave, but I reminded him that I was no longer an employee but a paying customer, so I didn't have to sign and I didn't have to leave. It was bizarre.

Rumor had it that he actually called the police the next day to see if he could bring any kind of charges against me for hanging around, and they told him he was an idiot. He got fired not long after that. I still to this day have no idea what crawled up his arse that night. He'd always been a jerk, but that really came out of nowhere.

What about you? What was the most ridiculous thing you ever got written up for?


  1. Slightly belated response to your Labor Day challenge: the most ridiculous one was that "you lack gravitas" in a performance evaluation. (Not that the job would have benefitted from looking dour all the time.) I just figured the asshole had just learned the fucking word and simply HAD to try it out...

  2. Not doing my job while doing my job. No joke. I was told that I had failed to update a website in 7 months. However, this job had been handed over to someone else entirely and not even on my IT team. When I refused to sign my performance evaluation until the issue was cleared up, then got told I was not doing my job even though I was doing my job. So I returned with a print out of the 48 emails outline why the change over, who authorized it (the boss) and a listing of my new duties. Needless to say they ate crow and had to rewrite my entire evaluation based on the new duties assigned 7 months prior, and got in trouble for not doing my evaluation on time. *smirk*