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Thursday, April 30, 2015

How Do You Get Back In A Flirting Frame Of Mind?

I have a problem.

With flirting, specifically.

Here's the deal: I'm a good flirt. I mean a really, really good flirt. I can banter - oh baby, can I banter. Witty repartee is my forte. I have eyes. I mean "come hither" eyes. And I can give a look... You know that scene in Game of Thrones where the slave girl is telling the story about the chick who can "finish a man with nothing but her eyes" - yeah..Irogenia of Lys has got nothing on me, baby.

The issue here is that while I can flirt, I really tend to be lousy at being flirted with.

And that all goes back to the married days - or more accurately, the "in love" days. The thing is, when I'm in love with someone, I'm all in. It's honestly like there just isn't another man in the world. And if we've made a commitment to each other, I feel like I'm walking around with a giant, neon "X" crossing over my body. It wouldn't occur to me that they're flirting because I'm off-limits. A guy would have to be seriously over-the-top coming on to me for me to get it, and even then, I'd probably assume he's joking.

Once, just a few years after I was married, I was working in retail and a guy from a neighboring store at the mall - one who used to come and talk to me all the time - bought me flowers for Valentine's Day.

It took my entire crew - and a very pissed off husband - to convince me he was doing a little more than just being nice.

I had a few more situations like that across the years - guys sending drinks over when I'm out with friends and stuff like that - and I'm clueless every single time. And now that I'm single again, the clueless hasn't stopped.

I was out with a friend for dinner one night and the guy at the table next to us kept making idle conversation across the aisle with me until I finally leaned in and asked my friend if she thought he might be flirting with me. She rolled her eyes and hit me in the forehead with the palm of her hand. "Yes! This is what flirting looks like!" she said.

I just don't want to feel like I'm reading into things, y'know?  I mean, it's not like when I was younger and unattached. When I was twenty-something and rocking a size five ass and a brazen attitude, I had no doubt every damn guy in the room was trying to talk to me. Arrogant, I know, but hey, I was young. I'd love to get a bit of that back now, because these days I'm the other extreme. Who the hell would notice me? I feel like I'm a non-entity.

What I need to find is a happy medium. And a roomful of guys who want to flirt. 

For scientific purposes, you understand. 


Ellie DeLano spent four years as the Divorce Blogger for Woman's Day Magazine, chronicling her transition to single parenting and mid-life dating after decades of marriage with poignancy and humor. What she learned from her readers and her own experience was invaluable, and she shares it here with a straightforward guide to the things you really need to help you move forward after your divorce.
Available at Amazon for Kindle - and Smashwords for all e-reading device.

1 comment:

  1. We are Scarlett O'Hara!

    'When will you stop thinking every man is paying you a compliment?' asks Rhett of his green-eyed southern flirt.

    'When they nail the coffin lid down', she replies with fluttering lashes.