Life With A Side Of Autism

LIFE WITH A SIDE OF AUTISM

Friday, March 6, 2015

Things I Would Rather Do Than Join Your Multi-Level Marketing Company



For some reason, everyone thinks I'd be a great salesperson.

Maybe it's the personality. Maybe it's the blog. Maybe it's a little of both.

Maybe it's the fact that I worked in sales for many previous years before the current career, and I was really, really good at it. I was a theatre major, after all. I can make you believe anything about anything, and I'm really good with words and improvising and thinking on my feet.

So yeah, I can sell. I can sell the hell out of just about anything.

But here's the thing: I hate it. I mean, I really, really hate selling anything to anyone. Really. I feel like a piece of my soul dies every time I do. I'm an introvert at heart, and this goes against my nature in a huge way. I might be good at it, but I would rather spend my lifetime carrying a pooper-scooper at an animal park than have to sell for a living again.

But of course, most people don't know that. They only see the fun persona, the wacky sense of humor, the glib words, and they assume...


That I would LOVE to be let in on the ground floor of this amazing product that's going to make us both rich! And they assume that I'd love to sign up just a couple of friends (because of course, they want to be rich, too!) and get them to sign up a few more, and before you know it, we're all kicking back on an island somewhere, reclined against a pile of money. 

Back in the nineties they were called "Pyramid Schemes" but that became to derogatory and now they're called "Multi-Level Marketing" or MLM companies. And to be fair, MLM is a perfectly legitimate business model that can be somewhat lucrative to those who get in early, work their asses off and have a lot of friends who believe what they're selling.

I just haven't met any of those people. Instead, I've known a whole lot of people who would have been far better off putting their time, talents, and most of all money into something a lot more stable and rewarding. I've lost a friendship to Amway, and nearly gotten into a fistfight over HerbalLife. And I'm still getting recruited all the time for this stuff. I've learned how to politely thank someone for thinking of me, and I tell them it's just not my bag and I need my extra time free to write, which is true. 

Thank God, it's true. Because I'd rather do lots of stuff than take part in anyone's MLM ever again. Stuff like: 

READ ANYTHING WRITTEN BY KIM KARDASHIAN

UNANESTHETIZED ROOT CANAL

CHEW BROKEN GLASS
DIVE OFF A 20 STORY BUILDING AND CATCH
MY EYELID ON A NAIL ON THE WAY DOWN

SLIDE DOWN A RAZOR BLADE INTO
A POOL OF RUBBING ALCOHOL

So please, if you think I'd make a great addition to your team, re-evaluate that. I don't make a great addition to anyone's sales team. I'm not a shark, or a go-getter, or a quota-maker, or an objection-buster. 

I'm just a girl who never puts the laundry away and watches too much Netflix. And if any of my friends want to be in on that action, I'm all ears.






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