First of all, I'd like you to kiss me, period because I really, really miss being kissed right now, but to claim I'm Irish when I've never so much as set foot in the country is one of those arrogant American things we do here and I think it's kind of insulting. In fact, there's a whole Cracked article about crap we do to try to pretend we're Irish on St. Patrick's Day.
I am however, of Irish descent, along with Belgian and Native American descents as well. But mostly Irish.
This becomes terribly apparent the minute I drink anything even vaguely alcoholic - my cheeks get beet red and the flush on my skin stays with me for hours. Dammit. It's a good thing I was such a straight-laced kid in high school because my parents would have known if I'd so much as sipped at anything alcoholic.
So with that being said (and yes, you can question my sobriety after over-sharing like that with you), here are some of my favorite St. Patrick's Day things:
In an Irish bar one night, there were two guys sitting a bit apart from each other drinking away. One guy decided to go have a chat with the other one.
"So, where're ya from?" he asks.
"I'm from Dublin," says the second guy.
"You're kidding! I'm from Dublin too! what a coincidence! let's drink to Dublin!"
They drink to Dublin and continue talking.
"What school did you go to in Dublin?"
"Well, I went to St. Mary's"
"This is amazing! I went to St. Mary's too! let's drink to St. Mary's!"
So they drink to St, Mary's and continue talking.
"What year did you graduate?"
"I graduated '85"
"Unbelievable! I graduated '85 too! lets drink to '85!!"
So they drink to '85 and continue talking.
At this point another patron enters the bar and strikes up a conversation with the bartender, whom he is friends with.
"So Patrick, how have things been down here tonight?"
"Nothing too exciting" the bartender replies, pointing at the two men. "the Shanahan twins are drunk again."
And this joke:
This great coloring sheet:
And finally, The Muppets singing "Danny Boy"
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!
(DRINK ONE FOR ME)