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Friday, February 27, 2015

Fun On A Friday - Today's Topic: "And That's Why I'm Still Single"

I went out for happy hour with some friends on Wednesday (control your shock, please. I actually went out) and the craziest thing happened.

I walked into the bar, and a few guys sitting at a table turned and looked at me, and two of the guys kept on looking. I mean, didn't turn back around and watched me walk on by.

I wasn't sure if I should be flattered and play with my hair while tugging the neckline down on my shirt or terrified because they might be serial killers looking to make me part of their next human skin suit. I had no idea how to react. Seriously.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm still single. Among other things. Things like these:

Thursday, February 26, 2015

This Was One Of Those Weird Autism Mom Moments

David has been a real exercise in parental patience lately.

He's always had a wonderful, sunshiney personality, and that hasn't changed. What has changed, however, is the level of testosterone flooding his system as he edges closer and closer to puberty. He's starting to get a soft furring on his upper lip, and his already broad shoulders are getting broader as his height climbs higher and higher. The voice hasn't dropped yet, but it's coming. Oh yes, it's all coming.

And along with that, come the mood swings. Having autism also means having poor impulse control, and when you add in a burst of testosterone-fueled rage to his difficulties with communication, you have a recipe for epic sibling fights and angry refusal of parental authority. He's argumentative, he's yelling a lot, and sometimes, he's punching and throwing people around. It's been a trial, but we're muddling through and the good times far outweigh the occasional outbursts.

Normally, when he's being corrected and facing the consequences of his bad behavior, he'll get very remorseful and spend the next few hours apologizing over and over, or hide in his room and sulk for a while.

This last weekend, he started doing something else. He started writing me letters.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

My Latest At Moms Magazine: 5 Life Lessons I Learned While Shoveling Snow

Here's my latest from Moms Magazine!

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: And This Is Why We Don't Have Birthday Parties Anymore

This is the face of kid with no attendees at his birthday party.

This is the face, sometimes, of autism.

Luckily for this kid the story had a happy ending.

Despite the other kids and their parents who clearly don't think empathy is a lesson you should teach your children.

I never had that happen, thank God, but every year the attendees were less and less.

And this year, he started middle school.

So I didn't take a chance. I told him that once you go to middle school, you don't have parties anymore. 

We went to the movies instead, and shopping at the Lego Store. 

His dad took him to an indoor waterpark with his sister. And it was all good.

And he probably won't ever have a big birthday party again.

But he also won't wear this face, and I'll do anything to keep him from wearing that face.

Monday, February 23, 2015

The Oscars Are Over, But I Still Have Some Movies For You

One of my favorite pastimes is surfing Reddit (and if you're not checking out Reddit, you should. If you're already a Redditor, you're checking Reddit on an hourly basis). 

Last week they had an awesome thread. Started by user Mechastewart, the topic posed was this:

Add "ing" to any movie title. What's the movie about now?

Good God, these were hilarious! Here are a few of my favorites:

Friday, February 20, 2015

Fun On A Friday - Let's Go To The Grocery Store!

Before we go shopping, let's check out the local ad, shall we?

Looks like somebody forgot an "r"

Oh, good. They obviously cater to Moms:

Thursday, February 19, 2015

The Day I Told My Daughter She Didn't Have To Go To College

"I'm not sure I want to go to college," my daughter said to me. I guess the look on my face made it pretty clear what I thought of that and she hastily amended it with, "For the first year, I mean."

"You want to take a year off?" I clarified.

"Yeah. I just don't think I need to start right away."

I chewed my lip, considering my words carefully. I know this kid. Now is not the time to pick a battle, especially when college is four and a half years away.

"I've known people that decided to take some time off before college," I said. "And you now what? A lot of them never did go. They got jobs and car payments and apartments to pay for and they didn't ever do it."

"I'm gonna go, Mom. I just think I should wait."

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Book Excerpt From "David & Me Under The Sea": Listen To The Mustn't's

Sept 2007

David has a birthday party to go to on Saturday. A little boy down the block is turning four, and the invitation was handed to me at the bus stop a week or so ago. They've booked the party room at a local sports center owned by another neighbor of ours and the place is state-of-the-art. There are batting cages, pitching machines, a professionally trained staff and all in all, it'll be loads of fun.

Well, for most kids, anyway.

Monday, February 16, 2015

The Day I Tried Being Amish (Well, Almost...)

Picture Credit: Kelsi Jo Silva 

Yesterday was an adventure.

We'd had a dusting of snow, but that dusting ended up looking like a blizzard because of the wind, which was howling and ripping at doors and windows, sending the snow swirling and lashing at you if you dared to peek your head out into it.

My house isn't the greatest on insulation (either that or my heater has seen better days) and it's a battle keeping it at 68 or above on a normal day, but with cold seeping in all over, it was getting harder and harder.

And then, Saturday night, the power went out. It happened in the wee, dark hours of the morning, and by the time I woke up enough to realize that the snot in my nose was slush, my house had dropped to 59 degrees. 

Friday, February 13, 2015

My Movie Review Of Fifty Shades Of "Good God, Is This Ever Awful"

I pride myself on not being a literary snob.

I read (and write) fanfiction for fun. I like to think mine is better than most, and my reviews would suggest that, so I'll stand by my assertion.

I read Twilight. All the books. And even liked them. I wasn't crazy mad over them - they were a reasonable fluffy beach read, and that's fine.

So I knew, as a reader/writer of fanfiction (and no, I've never written Twilight fanfic), I knew that Fifty Shades of Grey was a re-tooled Twilight Fanfic. E.L. James took a passable fic, turned it around, and laughed all the way to the bank.

More power to her.

I read the first book of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, and I have to say, I had no urge to read the other two, even though I bought the whole trilogy. It sat in my Kindle, unread for months. I didn't hate it, but I didn't particularly like or feel invested in either character enough to want to read the rest.

Then I got walking pneumonia and a stuck in bed for a week going stir-crazy, so I read the other two books. I actually liked them marginally better than the first book. Marginally.

I tell you all this so it is abundantly clear that I went to see this movie with really, really low expectations. The fact of the matter is, I will cheerfully and unashamedly pay good money to see Jamie Dornan's mostly naked body. I don't really care if the movie is bad. Just let me ogle him and I'm good.

I am here to tell you that I stand corrected. Not even Jamie Dornan's gloriously naked ass could save this festering turd of a movie.

It's Friday The 13th! Let's Shake Off The Feeling Of Impending Doom With Some Happy Happy Videos

While we all wait for the hovering spectre of death to drop a ladder on us, explode an umbrella indoors in our face, or send a rabid, black cat to tear our throat out, I figure we can pass the time by watching videos that are guaranteed to make you really, stupidly happy.

How can you feel bad after seeing a prancing piglet? Seriously!

Or a toddler dancing with his dad?

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: Mommy Is A Free Elf!

It's certainly not unusual
To find a sock in your boot
But this one bedeviled me all the way to work
Sitting just under my big toe as I drove
And when I pulled off my boot
It fell to the floor
"Lego," I grumbled. Of course.
But this is from the Lego Hogwarts set
This is Dobby's sock
Which means Mommy is now a free elf
But I fear I will never be free from Legos


Jessa discovers that she can travel to other realities, and with the help of Finn, another traveler, they go on amazing journeys in all sorts of alternate worlds. What will Jessa find on the other side of the mirror? And can she escape from the evil that's hunting her?
Read my new book,"Traveler" FREE - and don't forget to vote!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Let's Talk About Teenage Girls For A Minute

Hi there! Welcome to this week's edition of the Anna and Ellie minus Anna Show! This week's question:

Why in God's name did you think you could get your teen daughter to blog on a weekly basis?

Monday, February 9, 2015

Just Another Manic Monday - Come Laugh At Some Videos With Me!

It's Monday, ice is falling from the sky, I wrote a staggering 9,300 words this weekend (8,500 of which were complete crap, I assure you) and I literally (LITERALLY) went to bed at 5:15 am this morning and had to get up at 6:30. So the brain? She is.. how you say? Mush. Pulp. Ooze.

And on that note, I'm just going to slap together these funny videos, throw 'em at the blog, and see if they stick.

Let's start off by making a snack, shall we? Why, how about some fried gnocchi?

Friday, February 6, 2015

Fun On A Friday: Let's Read Some Notes!

Once again, it's Friday.

Halle-freakin-lujah. And today I'm feeling inspired by a passive-aggressive note I saw in passing and it made me realize I've seen a lot of great notes across the internet. Here are a few of my favorites (fair warning - some of the notes have NSFW language):

Think twice, Dad. A Lego minefield may be in your future:

Sorry, feminists:

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Hard Wired To Be Promiscuous? Science Says Yes (But I Say We're More Than Science)

Do you see this?

This is my right hand. Those are my fingers. Do you know what you can tell from looking at them (besides the fact that I really need a manicure)?

You can tell that I'm a girl who has a lot more testosterone than most girls. I was exposed to it in the womb. Not surprising, since I have two brothers who inhabited that space before me, and no sisters. It's a fact that if your ring finger is noticeably longer than your pointer finger, you have elevated testosterone. And the greater the disparity, the greater the level. 

So, yeah....that's my incredibly disparate finger ratio, and I can definitely tell you I've felt that testosterone from an early age. 

Don't get me wrong, I love being a girl. My boobs were never huge but they're noticeable. In my twenty-something prime I had a curvy behind that would quite literally turn men's heads. I like dressing girly just as much as I like schlepping around in raggy jeans and a slouchy tee shirt.

But the libido....whoa Nelly, I've always had it. 

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: Photobomb

Hell hath no fury
Like a teenage girl taking a selfie
Only to find her brother in the picture
Unless he's that cute, of course
She rolled her eyes
And held out the phone
And said "Look at your son"
But when she posted it 
She said "Look at my brother"
And she followed it with a <3


Jessa discovers that she can travel to other realities, and with the help of Finn, another traveler, they go on amazing journeys in all sorts of alternate worlds. What will Jessa find on the other side of the mirror? And can she escape from the evil that's hunting her?
Read my new book,"Traveler" FREE - and don't forget to vote!!

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Anna And Ellie: How Would You Change The World?

Welcome to this week's edition of  Ann a and Ellie. This week's question:

What's the one thing you'd like to change most about the world?

Monday, February 2, 2015

Are You Snowed In Today? How About Reading My New Novel?

When I was a little girl, I read a lot. Okay, I still do. And certain stories stayed with me, which is what a really great story does, you know. It stays with you and makes you think and wonder and explore its possibilities.

Anyway, one of the stories that stuck with me is a lesser-known work by Lewis Carroll, author of "Alice in Wonderland." The book was "Alice Through The Looking Glass" and it follows our dear Alice as she steps through the mirror in her bedroom and finds a world that is completely opposite her own. Though everything looks identical, she finds a strange new world on the other side,

That story fascinated me. So much so, that to this day, if I pass a mirror, I find myself looking hard to make sure everything matches and nothing's moving....or changing. Including me.