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Friday, January 30, 2015

Another Fun Friday - Let's Watch Some Bad Local Commercials!

Ah, local TV. So much bad video fodder. Let's start with a trip to the mall!

And on the way home, we'll get the car serviced at Arlen's!

Thursday, January 29, 2015

So Here It Is - The Super Colossal Mega Big "I've Got A Slammin' Book" Announcement

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet my love child.

I have a Young Adult novel I slaved over for the better part of a year. I took it to the New York Fiction Pitch last April and had two editors (one from a big six house) and two agents ask for the full manuscript. Not just a treatment or a synopsis, mind you, but the whole shebang.

And it turns out that I have a great book that they really enjoyed reading, but they're looking for a quirky teen story with a sarcastic guy or girl with LGBT issues, an eating disorder, suicidal tendencies or a terminal disease.

That's not my book. My girl is wicked smart and incredibly resourceful, her guy is sarcastic, but compassionate, and this is a Sci/Fi fantasy without any vampires, werewolves, angels, demons or dystopian societies.

In other words, it's something new. And I guess they're not looking for that.

But maybe you guys are. Or your young adult/teen kids are. So I'm putting it out there and I'm asking for your help.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: We Don't Say Gesundheit Around Here

My son screams "Voldemort" every time someone sneezes
Once, he was watching Goblet of Fire 
And Harry was dueling with Voldemort
Just as Voldemort threw a curse, I happened to sneeze 
David was sure Voldemort cursed me into sneezing
So he shouts Voldemort! 
Every single time someone sneezes
Even if it's the cat

Monday, January 26, 2015

"You Know How It Is....When You're In Love"

So it was a kid-free weekend, and I thought to myself, "Maybe I'll just order pizza.

Lonely, lonely pizza. What the hell, it's better than going out alone.

Friday, January 23, 2015

It's Friday And I'm Sick In Bed, But I Have To Tell You About The Mott Hall Bridges Academy

Yep. Sick as a DAWG (and when you're from the Southwest, I assure you, that means you're really, really freakin' sick - as we say in the Philly burbs).

I'm going to spend today in bed, grateful beyond measure that this is the ex's weekend with the kids. In the meantime, here's a really awesome thing I want to share:

Humans of New York is doing an amazing thing, and it all started with this picture and story:

"Who's influenced you the most in your life?"
"My principal, Ms. Lopez."
"How has she influenced you?"
"When we get in trouble, she doesn't suspend us. She calls us to her office and explains to us how society was built down around us. And she tells us that each time somebody fails out of school, a new jail cell gets built. And one time she made every student stand up, one at a time, and she told each one of us that we matter."

Thursday, January 22, 2015

The Insanely Drunken Story Of The Theatre Party And The Velvet Elvis

[Photo credit:]

I was face down, and all was quiet, except for the pounding. It was incessant. It was LOUD. It was unbearable. I had to move. Experimentally, I flexed a leg, only to find that the motion made the pounding louder, if that were possible. I focused hard and summoned all the energy I could, and raised my head. Or tried to. My face was stuck. I tried again, and this time, it worked, my face feeling like it was peeling away - taking some skin with it - from wherever it was attached.

Oh, God.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Want To Know How To Manage Meltdowns?

When it comes to dealing with meltdowns - I am a pro! Check out my article in Mom's Magazine for some pro tips!

Managing Your Child's Meltdown - 5 Tips To Get You Both Through And Back To Control

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: This Lego Piece Violates The Geneva Conventions

Every day I step out onto the battlefield
Dodging Lego landmines throughout the house
Praying that my heel won't find a stray brick or headless figurine

Some days, I get my revenge
Only when the boy is not around, of course
Then I can sweep them up from the kitchen floor
Shake them out of my shoes that I was foolish enough to leave near the edge of the kitchen counter where he played
And if he's not around - into the trash they go
Instead of into the giant bin with the 63,896 other Legos

But this piece is proof that they are fighting back
Like Skynet, they have become aware
They sent out this terminator of a piece
Targeted specifically to the arch of my foot
My screams of agony echoing off the walls

And somewhere in the Lego bin
I swear, I heard laughter

Monday, January 19, 2015

Sometimes, You Just Need To Embrace Your Inner Megan

I have the best friends.

You know the kind of friends who always say wonderful things, soft, fuzzy, warm and coddling words that let you know how extra-special you are?

Yeah, my friends aren't much like that. Instead, I get the friends that tell it like it is. The ones that bust my balls as often as they break out the pom-poms to cheer me on. The ones who say wonderful things but aren't afraid in the least to tell me to get off my ass and fix my life.

And I love them fiercely for it.

Take last Thursday, for instance. The kids were at their father's for the evening, and I headed out to Wegman's after work, a favorite place of mine to set up my laptop, and take advantage of some free wi-fi, and write, write, write.

That's just what I was doing, until he came along.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Puns And Fun On A Friday - The Earworm Edition

Line up the tomatoes and warm up your throwing're going to groan a lot over these:

Keep goin' - I've got a bunch!

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Book Excerpt From David And Me Under The Sea: Riding The Bus

He rode the bus alone today, and I'm the one who put him there. I'm the one who carried him on, bewildered, forced him into the car-seat, kissed him and reassured him in vain and then watched his tear-streaked face through the window as the bus pulled away.

All my fault.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: Bilbo's Other Nephew

It was a Christmas present from his sister
And today he insisted on wearing it to school
"I'm a hobbit today, Mom," he told me
And as always, I had to weigh
How much he wants to be a hobbit
With how much the other middle school boys might make fun of him
Finally I decided to let him wear it
Because he's got the personality to carry it off
Loud and in your face and bigger than life
They'll laugh, I'm sure
And he'll love that they're laughing
And you know what?
Plenty of them will think it's just plain funny because it is
And not because he has autism
So my hobbit headed for the bus stop this morning
And the only thing I said no to
Was his insistence that he be barefoot, as well

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Anna And Ellie: Where Do You See Yourself In Ten Years?

We figured we'd post pictures of ourselves from ten years ago, since this week's question is:

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Monday, January 12, 2015

Friday, January 9, 2015

Another Friday Edition Of "Things That Make Me Go NOPE"

Hi everyone, and welcome aboard the train to NOPEville. Climb aboard and let's get started, shall we? Excuse me a moment as I put on my NOPE face.

Presenting...the NOPE workout!!

This one is a definite NOPE:

And if those aren't NOPE-inducing enough for you, try out this link. I had to unlock my knees after I watched it.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

It's All About The Stuff. It Really, Really Is.

"Hey, get your hands off my stuff!!!"

My brothers were fighting again, beating each other with whatever they found lying around, battering each other into the hallway, then through the doorway into my room, where they began reaching for whatever they could to continue the assault. The elder of my brothers reached down and grabbed my beloved stuffed Snoopy, whirling about to slam it into his opponent's face. Ouch! Those beady plastic eyes hurt when they hit! My brother reached out on the next swing, grabbing Snoopy's head. A tug of war ensued as I stood on my bed, screaming. Then, it happened.


Snoopy's head came off, stuffing went everywhere, and I reacted like any five year old who just watched her best friend get decapitated. They got a stern lecture from my father as my mother sewed Snoopy back together again, reinforcing the importance of not touching someone else's stuff. Yeah, you stupid boys! That was my stuff. MY STUFF. And my stuff is important. Much more important than your stupid old stuff. Leave my stuff alone!

Thirty two years later, my brothers and I stood in the doorway of my old bedroom. My father said softly "I put a lot of stuff in here. Look through it and see if there's anything you want." We sat on the floor, opening boxes of stuff, sifting through stuff, dividing up stuff. In the end, we all took some stuff, but nothing could change the fact that this was my mother's stuff, and she wasn't here anymore.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: I Need A Vacation

I need a vacation.
I need to get away to some forgotten beach
Some quiet Irish pub
Some quaint English village
Or ancient Incan ruin
Anyplace that lets me feel the pull of the tide and the smell of the sea
Or touch a stone that was carefully placed hundreds or thousands of years ago

Someplace where I can get a pint of whatever's local
Or a coconut full of something fruity with an umbrella sticking out of it
And open my tattered moleskin journal
And just write and write and write
And drink it all in, every bit of it

I need a vacation
From being me where I am right now
I really, really do

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Anna And Ellie: Describe Your Perfect Day

Hello everyone and welcome to the first edition of Anna and Ellie explain it all for you! We'll keep it light this week with the first of our reader inquiries.

This week's reader question:

Can you describe your perfect day?

Monday, January 5, 2015

Well, This Is Shaping Up To Be A Stellar Year

So here I am, coming off a year that featured a whole lot of promise that fizzled the hell out, and I landed a freelance job that made me feel really good inside.

The job was for an anthology of stories themed around veterans, and the client wanted a rather lengthy story - 5,000 words. The client also wanted it by December 31st, which was going to be problematic with some of my other writing commitments and the holidays, but a few back and forth messages (all recorded on the freelancer message board in the project workroom, thank goodness) and we had an agreement that I could extend to January 2nd, in light of the holiday.

Let me tell you, I wrote one slam-banging story. It was really, really good and I was terribly proud of it. What's more, I knew it was exactly what the client was looking for.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Here's A List Of Cool Things You Can Learn To Do Or Get Certified For On The Internet

In my many and varied internet travels, I sometimes come across really cool instructional stuff: educational sites, DIY videos, stuff like that. 

I often get sucked down a YouTube rabbit hole watching stuff like that, only to emerge, blinking in the light and resolved to try every single one of the things I just learned about.

I resolve that, I really do.


Anyway, here's a short list of some of the cool stuff you can learn on the internet:

Thursday, January 1, 2015

2015: The Year Of Peace And Progress

I took a walk yesterday.

See, I was all alone for New Year's Eve. My kids were with their Dad, and my father (who's been visiting for a week) had to get back on the road yesterday.

So I did some writing, some cleaning, some more writing…

Then I watched a movie and folded some laundry and ah, hell….I was just bored. Seriously bored.

It was cold out, but not wretchedly so, and I have a gorgeous place not fifteen minutes from my house with hiking trails, a big gurgling stream, nice flat boulders to climb on and over, and I really could use the fresh air.

I slipped on my hiking shoes, zipped up a fleecy hoodie, grabbed a bottle of water, and off I went.