This week, my Mommy sins include:
1. I forgot that the parent teacher conference in-service day was moved from Monday to Tuesday to accommodate election day, sending my kids into a mad scramble on Monday morning once I realized my mistake, thereby resulting in my thirteen year-old daughter going to school without straightening her hair first. DEAR GOD. I am a monster.
2. I told my children I didn't buy any good Halloween candy. I did. I did and I ate it secretly and with great relish.
3. On Sunday, I told my daughter we were watching George of the Jungle because her brother wanted to watch it. I bear no guilt over this. Brendan Fraser in a loincloth is good for us all.
4. I found a tube of Burt's Bees lip balm in my daughter's jeans pocket as I was doing laundry, and since it's getting cold around here and all of the moisture has been mysteriously sucked from the atmosphere, I hereby claimed the lip balm under the Universal Treaty of Parental Chore Intervention.
5. I hid my son's Lego Movie DVD. I love Legos (when they're put away in the bin or being used to build, not when they're under the arch of my foot as I come down the stairs in the morning), and I loved the Lego Movie. I loved it the first eighty-six times I saw it. Now I can't hear "Everything is Awesome" without bodily fluids oozing from my eyes and ears and the four horsemen of the apocalypse appearing in a haze in the distance. This movie has to go away for a little while. It just has to.
Dear, sweet sainted mother of Susan Sarandon, don't press play.
That's enough confession for this week, internet. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Ellie is the author of David And Me Under The Sea: Essays From A Decade With Autism.