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Friday, August 29, 2014

Fun For A Friday - This Week's Collection Of Stuff

As I explained yesterday, it's been one helluva week.  And as previously discussed, the side-effect of the week from hell is a complete and utter deterioration of the brainmeats. So instead of a deep and insightful blog piece, you get an internet dump. Here's some of the bizarre or interesting stuff I've discovered this week:

Bombshells from the 1940's re-imagined with Robert Downey Jr.'s head.

Somebody did a mashup of The Beatles' "Paperback Writer" with "My Sharona", and it sounds pretty awesome.

Kittens. In a bucket.

A website full of free tutorials

The ultimate insult creator

And finally....

It's good to have friends

Happy Friday and enjoy your Labor Day, if you're here in the states. Here's hoping next week is a little less life-force draining!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Can't Blog....My Brain Has The Dumb

In the last two weeks I've discovered my daughter has a tumor and a spinal defect.

In the last 48 hours, that same daughter decided to take a ride on her bike sans helmet and ended up in the E.R. with a concussion, whiplash and a whole lot of bruises and road rash. Then shortly after getting her home and settled, her brother stepped on a toothpick she'd dropped on the carpet, embedding it straight into his foot a good couple of inches before it snapped off. Another trip to Urgent Care, three people holding him down, and some minor surgery, and he's home convalescing.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: I'm Here To Protect You, But You've Got To Do Your Part

We sit in the ER  and they ask the question
I see their eyes shift to me after they get their answer
And I make it clear
This was not something I condoned
I wasn't even home
No one's being accusing, though
That's just my guilt protesting, feeling like I should have known
Should have found a way to go back in time 
And make her do as I told her
Some of the nurses and doctors have been understanding
It's not cool to wear a bike helmet when you're thirteen
We know, they say. We know it messes up your hair
But look at your face.
Your swollen and abraded face.
You're a beautiful girl
Do you want to stay beautiful? And alive?
Wear your helmet
You were lucky this time, they say.
And I know we are
Bruises, contusions, whiplash and a concussion
But nothing broken
No bleeding in her brain
No lifelong life-altering
Thank God
And I still feel guilty

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Monday, August 25, 2014

Middle School Plus Autism Equals One Nervous Mom

That was David at eight-fifteen this morning, turning to tell me to hurry up so we didn't miss his bus.

And there I was smiling and nodding, reminding him again of what his homeroom number was, drilling him on his teachers, their classroom numbers, where things were in his new and oh-so-heavy zippered binder with all the pockets and files and accessories enclosed.

I told him that I didn't know if they'd have somebody there to help just him, but he could ask any teacher, and they'd help him find where he needed to go. Just show them your schedule, David? Remember your schedule? Remember where I put it?

He did.

And just that fast, the bus was arriving, and he was climbing on, and off he went, to his first day of Middle School.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Just For Today, Let's All Be Poignantly Happy

So I was doing some research on videos that make me happy, and pulled up this remembered gem:

Of course, now it comes with a big ole side of sad, but's nice to remember Robin Williams at his crazy best. And I have a feeling that's what he'd want us to remember anyway.

Happy Friday everyone, and enjoy the song stuck in your head for the rest of the day.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

The Ghost Of Who I Used To Be

This has been a week of ghosts.

It all started with an announcement that I happened to catch via a couple of different social media outlets. She Writes Press is running a Memoir contest. The deadline for entries is the end of this month (gulp!) and certainly, discovering this two weeks out would normally lead to me sighing, shrugging and vowing I'll remember it for next time.


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Question For The Masses: What Food Can You Not Eat Anymore?

When I was a kid, my Mom used to make us corned beef hash sandwiches on Wonder Bread with Miracle Whip. We'd have it for dinner sometimes, and I think I would have rather eaten a big, steaming plate of breaded donkey sphincters.


I loathed the stuff. And since leaving my parent's home, I have never eaten it since. So out of curiosity...what food did you have to eat as a kid that you will never gag down again, so help you God?

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Mostly Wordless Wednesday - Pure Serenity

It was sunset on the beach
My favorite time to be there
The lifeguards have taken their chairs down
Most of the beach has been emptied of people
The kites come out
The kids stay closer to shore in the waning light
The sky gets that wonderful pinky-purply color
And every wave crash and call of a gull sings the song of a sea that's older than time, older than people, predating and creating us all
I scrunch my toes into the wet sand, feeling the water lap around my ankles
Feeling the spray on my face and the breeze lift my hair
I close my eyes
And we are a part of each other
Timeless and moving, changing, surging, receding
I breathe
Content to do that, and only that

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Tuesday, August 19, 2014

And Today In The News....Oh, Those Good Old College Days

Did I ever tell you I once floated a severed sheep's head in a campus fountain? No, I'm sure I forgot to mention that. As I recall, I was drunk, and so was another good actor friend of mine, coming from our birthday party (our birthdays were two days apart) and the local food market sold whole, skinned sheep's heads for some reason. Eyes and all! Suddenly, it seemed hilarious to put one in the fountain and leave it bobbing there.

So if you ever saw something that horrific while strolling across campus one late evening in April and have never recovered from the incident - I apologize. I was young, I was drunk, and I still have no idea why I thought that was funny. Now it just seems kinda....well....gross, actually.

Pat, if you're reading was a hell of a party. One for the ages. But that was unhygenic, gross, and not nearly as funny in retrospect.

Sheesh. I sound like a grown-up now.

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Monday, August 18, 2014

When The Doctor Says The Word "Tumor" And Your Child Is The One He's Talking About, The Whole World Spins

My daughter has a tumor.

Calm down, now. Breathe.

It's not as bad as it sounds....hopefully. The nurse (and the internet) reassured me that this tumor is most likely benign, and these types of tumors are found in people under 30, especially if they're younger and still growing. They'll biopsy it to be sure, of course.

Of course.

My daughter's tumor is on her femur and it may or may not be the cause of the leg pain that took us to the doctor in the first place.

Friday, August 15, 2014

I Had Been Saving This For A Future Blog, And Now I Don't Even Want To Use It

I saw it originally on Reddit, I think. I read it, and I thought, "He's right."

My second thought was "Well, the man is a freaking genius, of course he's right."

Here it is:

I'm not going to give you a lesson on the lies depression tells you. The isolation your mind enforces on you. The pain of realizing that fame and money and accolades mean f--k all in the face of a pain that's eating your soul for lunch.

I'm a lucky girl. I've never battled clinical depression. I've had a few rough patches in my life, but that's all they were - weeks, not months. Not years. I've never thought more than fleetingly about taking fate in my own hands and removing myself from the madness.

But I've got friends who did, or still do think and feel that way on an all-to-frequent basis. And I feel as they do.

Helpless in the face of it.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: When Socks Become Outlaws, Only Outlaws Will Have Socks

Fear the girl with the pirate socks
For the spirit of adventure 
Goes far beyond her choice in footwear
This is a girl who stands unashamed
As pirates devour her feet
The girl who makes pancakes in her kitchen
While wearing said socks
And shouts out to her children
"Arrrrrrrrrrrrre you ready for breakfast?"
The girl whose step is just a little lighter
Because her footwear makes a statement
You can keep your spikey, pointy-toed fru-fru shoes
Give me a good, hearty pair of pirate socks
And turn me loose on the world

[Follow Ellie's Divorce Diaries Blog at or join the fun on Facebook and Twitter]

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Monday, August 11, 2014

If You're Not A Camper, You Don't Know What You're Missing

My kids and I camp every year. They fall blissfully asleep in the tent after a day of biking and swimming that culminated in s'more and popcorn and in the morning, the birds are singing and the air is crisp and fresh.

It's wonderful.

And if you're one of those "camping is not for me" types (and curiously a huge amount of my women friends are), you don't know what you're missing.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Chris Pratt Can Guard My Galaxy Anytime - My Guardians Of The Galaxy Review

Do you know what this is?

This is my kid, giving a hearty thumbs-up to The Guardians of the Galaxy. His mother would have given one, too, but she was too busy fanning herself over Chris Pratt. YUM.

But seriously, folks - this was one awesome fun movie. Lots of action, great CGI, and the humor - oh, the humor. Great guffawing boatloads of sarcastic humor. 

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Have A Coke And A "Get The F**k Out Of Here"

I was vacationing in the mid-west when I first saw the delightful Coke cans and bottles with people's names on them. I searched through bin after bin after bin, trying to find my kid's names, but to no avail. But you know what I did find?

My ex's name.

Over and over.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: She Was Twenty-Four

She was twenty-four, and the world was hers
Backstage, just after a performance
Packing up her stuff to go back to the cast house
Where she'd eat bad pizza and drink rum and coke and laugh
and laugh and laugh with her theatre friends
This was life
Big and bold and loud and raucous
Blazing and bright and entirely too funny to be taken seriously
There were no mortgages, or kids, or car payments or potential downsizing of corporate entities
There was only this day
And all it had to to offer
Only ravenous consumption of life and all you could wring from it

I need to find that girl again
Shake her hand
Spend a day with her every now and then
I think it would do me good

[Follow Ellie's Divorce Diaries Blog at or join the fun on Facebook and Twitter]

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

My Review Of Disney's "Planes: Fire And Rescue"

My daughter was at a sleepover on Friday night, so I took my son to see Planes: Fire and Rescue - mainly because I had a free movie ticket due to my Regal Crown Card. Honestly, I thought Planes was tepid at best (though my son liked it just fine), and I wasn't expecting much. was surprisingly not bad! I have to say it was much better than the first one and the animation on the fire sequences was pretty cool. There were lots of great cameo voices, too - Stiller and Meara as an elderly couple, Eric Estrada as a TV Star from a show called "CHoPs" was adorable.

Then we had Chick-Fil-A and David declared it the most perfect night in the history of ever.

Planes: Fire And Rescue:

David's rating: BIG thumbs up
Mommy's rating: Definite thumbs up

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And Today In The News - 9pm Is Not A Good Time To Be Out

Nothing like an evening mass-extinction-level event, I always say.

[Follow Ellie's Divorce Diaries Blog at or join the fun on Facebook and Twitter]

Monday, August 4, 2014

I Knew I Loved You Before I Met You - But Some Days I Don't Like You Very Much

I hate fighting with my daughter.

I mean, I really, really hate it. Yes, she's a teenager. Yes, I'm a periomenopausal woman. Those two things often collide with the force of a fifty megaton nuclear explosion, but I just can't shrug it off like other moms do.

"Hang in there!" My friends say. "She'll hate you for a few years, but it'll even out." "Teenagers are rough, but you just have to get through it," they remind me. Someday, it'll get better, so bank on that someday and keep your eyes on the prize while you're both shouting the house down at each other.

It's not much comfort.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Friday Brain Fodder - Interesting Stuff I've Learned

My brain is a vault of information - mostly useless trivia, I'm afraid, but occasionally, something interesting makes its way in there and takes root. And since today is an overcast, gunky sort of day around here, my brain is flitting to the esoteric instead of slumming on a beach somewhere.

So without any further ado, here's a list of really cool stuff I've either learned or been reminded about in the last week or so: