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Sunday, May 4, 2014

Once Upon A Time - Season 3, Episode 20 Recap: Ding Dong, Baby

We begin tonight busy, busy, busy. Snow is being rushed to the hospital (even though the protection spell is around her apartment) and Rumple is spinning, spinning, spinning, and Zelena is getting ready to nab a baby.

Snow is in full-on TV labor, which progresses from minor twinge to "Oh my God, the baby's crowning" in under twenty-five minutes. Zelena takes the huge pile of spun gold that Rumple's been working on, waves a hand over it, and turns it into a solid gold brain, which she puts away with the other ingredients.

Flashback to Oz, where a fluorescent green Zelena is watching Regina's magic lessons through a giant crystal ball, and getting even more pissed when Regina struggles with a simple fireball - something that comes easily to Zelena.

In strolls Glinda, offering Zelena something she's always wanted: a family.

Forward to Storybrooke, and Zelena's got Rumple digging out a circular trenchin an old warehouse as she carefully places the ingredients around the circle. Rumple tells her all this crap won't do her any good, because even if it does work, she'll still be the same envious, rotten twat she's always been. I'm paraphrasing, of course, but you know that's what he meant. If Disney would let Rumple say twat, he totally would. And the c-word too, with this bitch.

Over at the hospital, Emma and Regina put up a protection spell, though they're not entirely certain it'll work. Hook shows up to help and Emma tells him to piss off. She's going after Zelena, and she's going alone. Time for Daddy David to intervene, and he does so, telling Emma firmly that she's taking Hook with her. He believes Hook when he says Zelena gave him no options.

"What's he going to do?" Emma asks. "I have magic. He has one hand."

Way to pick on the disabled guy, Emma.

This line really stuck in my craw because it's honestly so unlike her. This takes bitch to a new, very personal, very unlikable level and I think the writers must've been drunk when they wrote it. She of all people knows how good Hook is in a fight, and that remark - and picking on his disablility - was just low.

Anyway, David won't take no for an answer, and despite her shitty treatment of him, neither will Hook. Emma isn't through tearing into Killian as they walk toward Zelena's house. She now blames him for "manipulating" her into coming back in the first place. He reminds her that her old life was a lie - well, mostly anyway. "Why are you so scared of staying?" he asks. "I think it's because you can see a future here. A happy one."

Before she can shoot that down (and she most definitely was ready to), Zelena shows up, and Emma can't resist delivering one more metaphorical kick to Killian's nads by saying to Zelena:

"The next time you try and take my power, why don't you try enchanting the lips of someone I'd actually kiss?"

Zelena sees right through that BS and orders Rumple to drown Killian in a convenient nearby wading pool. Emma can't get him free no matter how hard she tries.

Flashback again to Oz, where Zelena is introduced by Glinda to the other two witches, and invited to take the empty chair at a magical table.


The other three witches represent great power: love, courage, wisdom...all they're missing is innocence. Zelena points out that she's pasty-green and wicked, and Glinda tells her that she can choose not to be. Innocence reclaimed can be a very powerful thing.

Glinda, being keeper of the book of records, lets her in on a prophecy regarding a powerful sorceress who will come to Oz via cyclone.

Forward to Zelena's farm again, and Emma pulls Hook from the pool as Zelena and Rumple disappear. He's lifeless, and she drops to the ground next to him, calling his name, then calling him Killian (!), begging him "come back to me" before she puts her lips to his and performs mouth-to-mouth.


Her powers evaporate into the wind, and he splutters back to consciousness, dismayed that she chose him over the good of everyone.

Flashback to Oz again, where Zelena is spying on Regina once more, but this time she choses not to let the envy eat her alive. Glinda praises her and offers her a magical pendant that will harness, protect and grow her power, but the price is without it, she's powerless. Zelena puts the pendant on, then looks in the mirror with joy as her green fades away.

Forward to Storybrooke, where Zelena is showing up at the hospital to take herself a baby. She runs into Robin and his merry men first, then Belle, then Regina, vanquishing them all.

Flashback to Oz, where Glinda and Zelena are standing by a familiar yellow brick road that leads to the west, when suddenly a cyclone drops a house nearby. They rush over to find poor little Dorothy Gale, cute as a button and as innocent as they come. "Few are strong enough to survive such a powerful storm," Glinda observes. "You must be a very special girl, Dorothy."


She rushes Dorothy off to meet the other sisters, and a not-so-happy-with-this-plot-twist Zelena watches through narrowed eyes.

Forward again to Snow giving birth with David at her side as Dr. Whale delivers her healthy baby boy. He puts the child in David's arms, and he transfers the kid to Snow just as Zelena poofs the baby away. Snow is devastated - no woman should have to live through this once, much less twice. It's heartbreaking to watch.

Back again to Oz, and little Dorothy is just the apple of everyone's eye at dinner, and she's seated in Zelena's chair. Zelena is standing by a wishing well that looks unsurprisingly like the one in Storybrooke (let's hear it for repurposing!) and Glinda comes out to see if she's okay.

Zelena turns around to show that she's greening up again. Glinda is alarmed when Zelena pulls out the book of records, reading the prophecy in its entirety: the innocent child brought by cyclone is meant to unseat the greatest evil the land has ever known, which can only mean that Dorothy is meant to take her seat at the table, making Zelena the great evil.

In Storybrooke meantime, David goes into full Daddy battle mode and charges out the door, running into Emma, who lets him (and Regina) know that she's now powerless.

They all seem stumped but Henry tells Regina she's got to handle this. Emma reminds her that True Love's kiss is light magic, so Regina must have it within her. Henry agrees, reaffirming his belief in the good inside Regina.

They all head off to defeat Zelena, with Robin Hood in tow. "I believe in you," Henry tells Regina as she goes. "Now you need to believe, too."

Back at the well in Oz, Zelena confronts Dorothy and starts pitching fireballs at her. Dorothy counters by throwing a bucket of water at her and in some actually awesome CGI, Zelena melts. Glinda shows up, telling Dorothy that the prophecy has come true: she was meant to sit at the table, not Zelena.

Dorothy declines, wanting only to go home, so Glinda offers to take her to the wizard, who should be human again now that Zelena's dead. They head down the yellow brick road together.

Forward to Storybrooke, and Zelena is gloating as she places the baby in its place in the circle. She begins the spell, and Rumple vows that no matter where she goes in time, he will kill her.

The group arrives, and David assures Regina that he's got her back. Robin assures her that he's got her heart, and we all go awwww.


Rumple tells them to get the dagger even as he's taking them out. The flying monkeys attack and people are slamming into walls and each other as Zelena Darth-Vader chokes the hell out of her lil' sis, reminding Regina that she's as dark as they come.

"Don't tell me what I can be!" Regina chokes out, as Robin steps behind Zelena, grabbing Regina's heart. Regina channels some white magic that tosses Zelena on her ass, then she strides over and rips that pendant right off her neck, stripping Zelena of her powers.

Rumple immediately drags Zelena toward him, ready to deliver the death-blow, but Regina grabs the dagger and stops him, reminding him that heroes don't kill.

"So now you're a hero?" Zelena sneers?


"Today I am," Regina answers. And oh, the pride in those words.

Flashback to Oz again, and Glinda is walking Dorothy to the Emerald City. The wizard appears and gives Dorothy some golden portal-hopping slippers (and for those of you wondering why they're not ruby-red, read a book sometime instead of just seeing a movie. They changed them to red so that MGM could make the most of it's new Technicolor film).

Dorothy clicks her heels back to Kansas, and Glinda tells the Wizard to come on out. The curtain drops, and there's Zelena. She played a little trick on Dorothy, and now she banishes Glinda to the Enchanted Forest.

Forward to Storybrooke, and Regina is visiting Zelena in jail, where she tells her sister she's giving her a second chance. She councils her to use it. "Evil isn't born, it's made. And so is good." She also threatens so crush her damn heart if she steps a toe out of line. We then see her locking Zelena's magical pendant away in her vault.

Over at Gold's shop, Rumple and Belle have a warm reunion. "I will never comprehend why you continue to stand by my side," he says. Belle pulls out the Dark One dagger, and hands it back to Rumple, telling him that she believes in him, and she asks for his promise that he won't go after Zelena - which he neatly sidesteps by proposing to her. He gives her back the dagger and asks her to hold it, promising her his future as he asks for her hand in marriage. She gives a tearful and enthusiastic answer.


At the hospital, a devastated Snow turns to see David coming through the door with his son in his arms, and the family is reunited as Big sister Emma looks on. Hook thanks her for saving his life and asks if her power has returned yet. Emma replies that it hasn't, but she's okay with that. She won't need it in New York.

Then she heads into the room to introduce Henry to his new Uncle, as a sad and wounded Killian looks on.

Back to the jail again, where Zelena finds herself confronted by Rumple. She taunts him, reminding him that he can't kill her. If Belle has the dagger, he has to do what she says. Rumple agrees, followed by, "If she has the dagger."

But it turns out she doesn't. Rumple pulled the old switcheroo, and now Zelena's on her feet, good and terrified. Rumple poofs himself into the cell, and stabs her with the knife, turning her to CGI ceramic that breaks into a thousand pieces, then the pieces turn into dust.


In Regina's vault, the magic leaches out of Zelena's pendant flying to the site where the spell was partially enacted, and powering up the time portal.

I'm giving this one a full five hooks out of five (despite Emma and her off-handed remark).

We saw the witch defeated, we saw Regina find her inner hero, we saw Emma vulnerable and not willing to let Killian go, we saw sneaky Rumple lie to the woman he loves, and we saw a happy family with a beautiful new baby. Oh, and something about a chick with a gingham dress that was totally forgettable.

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