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Monday, November 4, 2013

Movie Review Monday: 'Free Birds' Is A Real Turkey

As a parent, I realize it's my job to take my kid to every great and not-so-great kid's movie that comes along. Sometimes the previews can clue you in and let you know not to expect much (Hello, Planes, I'm talking to you, you third-rate Cars knockoff. And I didn't like Cars, either). Sometimes, the previews make the movie look ho-hum and you get very pleasantly surprised (let me hear a big squee! for Tangled, Despicable Me and The Croods).

So when I see a preview that looks blah, I still have some hope in my heart. I've been wrong before, after all. And with that hope in my heart, I took my son to see 'Free Birds' on Saturday.

If you're unfamiliar with the premise, 'Free Birds' is about a turkey named Reggie who goes back in time with another turkey pal to change the first Thanksgiving and get turkey off the menu - permanently.

Oh, that there were gravy enough to cover this turkey of a movie. Not even the voice of George Takei as the time machine can save this rotted carcass of a film.

Imagine if you will that a high school - wait - make that an elementary school class had an assignment to create a parody of Avatar that was also the world's longest Chuck E. Cheese commercial. I am not kidding about that.

Then imagine most of the kids would have rather done something else than work on the project.

Yeah, it was bad.

I can think of only one instance in the movie that rendered anything close to a chuckle from me, and that was a sight gag that had to do with a narcoleptic pre-schooler. Of course, they made sure to repeat the gag, over and over so I'd get good and tired of it.

Other than that, I'd say this movie is to children's movies what day-old Chicken McNuggets are to Grandma's Thanksgiving Dinner. Wait for the Redbox on this one, if your kid insists. Spend your money on an extra Christmas present for them, instead.

David's rating: "It was okay. I don't need the DVD."

That, my friends, says it all.

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