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Tuesday, July 30, 2013

OK Guys, Let's Talk About Your Junk

Let's talk about d*ck pics.

I find myself alternately fascinated and repulsed by them, to be honest. And the fascination has nothing to do with the peek at male anatomy. It's more about the mind set that would make a man think this is in any way enticing.

Because the truth is, guys, your junk is one of the last things I want to look at up close via digital or printed media. Up close and personal is a whole other thing, and to compare them is useless.

You see, the thing is, guys, women just aren't all that into your penis in any way other than its practical application. Men love to see pictures of women's ladyparts. It leads to all sorts of fantasies about what they can do with those ladyparts. Men are very visual creatures, and pictures of ladyparts - texted or otherwise - make for fine viewing.

Women, on the other hand, don't get that agog over just a penis. We just don't. They're all generically similar within an inch or two, varying a bit in shades of color or girth. It's only if they're really, almost freakishly different in some way that we take notice.

And of course, you think your lil' guy is special and so he is, when properly applied. I don't need him to sit for a portrait.

Really, I don't.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Does Anyone Have A Spare Life? 'Cause I Really Need To Get One...

My kids are spending the entire week on vacation with their father, and I am alone.

Well, except for the cats. They own the place, after all. I'm only here as long as I'm useful to them.

The thing is, I'm free to do whatever.


Friday, July 26, 2013

The Crazy Cat Lady Manifesto

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

Be it known throughout the land of Bedroomville, that cats are hereby banished in the hours between midnight and whenever-the-hell-I-decide-to-get-up.

Yes, this means you, you miserable, furry sacks of mayhem.

I am done. Done. Do you hear me?

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Watch How Quickly A Child Can Drown

"Approximately 750 children will drown next year and about 375 of them will do so within 25 yards of a parent or other adult."

Sobering statistics that any parent should be paying attention to. Watch the video in this link, and you'll see just how fast it can happen.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Oh, The Unmitigated Joy Of A Giant, Cruising Wiener

I dragged myself out of bed today and it wasn't easy. I had the most vivid dream of my life and it involved a man I've never met before but would very much like to - especially after that dream. Whoa.

OK, so I really need to start dating. Soon.


I was groggy and cranky and a dozen other irritable adjectives as I climbed into my car and began my forty-plus mile commute into work. The road droned on ahead of me, slow people got in front of me in the left lane and somebody stupid was too afraid to pass a tractor-trailer.

Same old, same old.

That is, until I saw a giant, cruising weiner. Yes, the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile was in my area, presumably to celebrate National Hot Dog Day.

Monday, July 22, 2013

So I Bought The Wonder Woman Underwear. Oh Yes. Yes, I Did.

I was kid-free this past weekend since my kids were with their Dad, and I decided to stop by my favorite place on earth, Tar-jhay (or Target, for those of you who don't go there as much as I do). I went for my daughter, of course, who needed some new underwear. And while I was there I remembered an entire cartload of things I suddenly needed, including the DVD of The Green Lantern, which features, well, Ryan Reynolds. In his underwear and in tight, green spandex.

For my son, you understand.

Great Tips In A Brief, Concise Format

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: Friendship

David says goodbye before he skips out the door
His head leaning in as he communes 
On a level I can't even begin to describe
Love in its purest form

Monday, July 15, 2013

So My Son Wore Gloves To Eat His Chicken Wings - You Got A Problem With That?

It was hot on Friday. Oh, was it hot. Sweltering, in fact. Muggy and humid and oppressive and Lord-have-mercy hot. My commute home was brutal until the air conditioning in the car was able to overcome the heat of sitting in a parking lot for eight hours in the full sun. It was starting to cloud over as I pulled into the driveway, and a rumble of far-off thunder sounded in the distance.

Great. The kids wanted to go see a movie, and I'd probably be driving in a downpour. Just lovely.

I walked in the door, bid the sitter goodbye, and shouted to the kids that if we were going out to dinner and a movie, we had to get a move on now.

And then came the battle.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

I Should Be Writing, But I'll Just Look At This Picture Instead

I know, I know.

I've been slacking on the blog thing lately, but in my defense, I have been writing. See, like most want-to-be-published-someday writers, I'm writing a book. Or two. OK, five actually.

No, I'm serious.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Dual Studies Find A Link Between Maternal Antibodies And Autism

A new study out of the University of California, Davis headed by Jody Van De Water has found that 23% of children with autism spectrum disorders have mothers with a certain combination of antibodies in their blood. Mothers who have this combination are 99% more likely to have autistic children than mothers without the combination. The studies further found that seven proteins active in fetal brains were targeted by the maternal antibodies. The effects of those antibodies were studied and correlated with an autism or autism spectrum diagnosis in a group of 246 children.

Friday, July 5, 2013

This Is Me, Working, Working, Working

Yes, it is the Friday after an Independence Day Thursday, and I am at my day job.

It is a complete ghost town in here. I think I saw a tumbleweed go by! There is almost no one in the office!

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

The Start Of Something New: Wordless Wednesday

I'm going to use words briefly here just to say that I'm starting a new feature. Wednesdays are now going to be "Wordless Wednesdays," featuring a photo that means something to me. Probably they'll end up "mostly Wordless Wednesdays" because I'll have the overwhelming urge to tell you why the photo means something to  me.

You know how I am. So here's my first entry, courtesy of my darling David:

Monday, July 1, 2013

Autism Parents - We Need Some Stinking Badges!

Over the weekend, the kids and I were at a campground, and while they were splashing and playing in the pool, I was lazing indolently on a lounge chair, glancing up from my Kindle every so often to make sure all was well. Not that I had to worry much - they both swim like fish and the pool was lifeguarded, but I'm a Mom and I can't not check on them.

I'm a bit chagrined to say that I didn't notice the girl at first. I mean, I knew she was there in the periphery, happily playing by herself, jumping into the pool over and over and swimming in endless circles. She was happy, really, really happy in the water. That much I saw at first and filed away.

As the day went on, I saw an older gentleman get up a few times and try to take her picture. She refused to cooperate and wouldn't stop playing long enough to do so. She even shrieked at him once for trying to stand in front of her and snap a shot. That's what first caught my attention.