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Thursday, March 28, 2013

Special Programs For Special Kids Are Useless If We Can't Get To Them

My neighbors are wonderful people. They often direct information my way that they've come across pertaining to autism services or programs in the area. I've gotten flyers stuffed in my mailbox, they've handed things to Anna at the bus stop to bring to me, or they'll make a point to phone or stop by.

Last night was one such night, when a neighbor was good enough to call me and let me know about a soccer program being run in the area that caters to kids with special needs. The coach is the father of one of the players, and his kid has Down's Syndrome. My neighbor's son is on a soccer team that played against them last week, and she was gushing about how wonderful and inspiring they all were.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Whoopi Goldberg Helped An Autistic Man Go Where He'd Never Gone Before

Just another testament to the fact that you never know how your choices can influence the life of another:

I just want to hug them both!

Monday, March 25, 2013

What I Didn't Know About Motherhood, Volume 2,857

I walked into the downstairs powder room this morning only to find the remnants of a pop-tart exploded all over the floor, scattered into all four corners of the room - even behind the toilet.


Last night, I caught my daughter pouring diet soda into a cookie cutter that was sitting on a saucer. Then she tried to deny that's what she was doing, even as she held the soda bottle in one hand and the cookie cutter in another.


Sunday, March 24, 2013

Once Upon A Time - Season 2, Episode 18 Recap: Enter The Dragon - A Character Without A Resolution


This evening we begin on a tropical island, circa 2011. Morning has broken, and August (who is laying in bed next to a beautiful naked Thai girl) is sporting some morning wood.
Unfortunately for him, not the good kind. The clock struck 8:15, he got a shooting pain in his leg, and he is literally turning into wood. He tries to convince his companion that he's turning to wood, but she only sees a normal leg.

Having originally come from a magical realm (and having started life as an inanimate object), August knows full well something is afoot. Or a leg. Whatever it is, it ain't good.

Now we head over to present-day the loft apartment, where David is making poor widdle Snow some happy breakfast in an effort to try to get her out of bed. Emma doesn't give a crap if mom is clinically depressed - she tells David to stop mollycoddling her.


Thursday, March 21, 2013

Dear Victoria's Secret: If You Want To Write On My Daughter's Crotch, You'll Have To Get Through Me

My post yesterday about my daughter's schoolmate got a lot of response. One of the most poignant and simply put responses I received was this:

"It's a well-written post that I simply wish didn't exist." (And thank you, Jenna. I wish it didn't, either). Even more, I wish there weren't people who commented that had the same type of story to share, a story about someone's daughter, some kid's sister, some girl who still had all her life in front of her who lost a childhood along the way. It's heartbreaking. More than that, it's an abomination.

And after reading my blog post, a good friend thought I might be interested in reading this article, about the marketing geniuses at Victoria's Secret, who think it's a good idea to make a line of pre-teen underwear with playful, sexy sayings on them.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Dear God: 11 Years Old Is Too Young To Be Pregnant

Dear God:

I am writing this and I still can't believe I'm writing this.

No, wait. Yes, I can, and that's what makes it even sadder.

My daughter and her friends were all abuzz yesterday when I came home from work. I was hoping they were all wildly misinformed, but Moms talk and other kids talk and I guess it's true.

One of my daughter's schoolmates is pregnant.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Play "Melancholy Baby"

I feel like I should be in some dive bar circa 1940.

My man done me wrong, and now I'm all alone. I should be leaned against a wall, wailing out some smoky, heart-tugging torch song about love and loss and oh-what'll-I-do.

And you'd think I'd be past this by now. Turns out, I'm not.

For some reason, this week I'm really, really, really lonely.

Monday, March 18, 2013

This Is Me, Swinging From My Own Hair

Oh, how I love my friends.

I have an amazing group of online friends who support me, laugh at my ridiculous humor, send me big, fuzzy virtual hugs right when I need them, and above all, they keep it real.

Like yesterday, for instance.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Once Upon A Time - Season 2, Episode 17 Recap: Dark Hearts And Scruffy Guys


Tonight we begin with two fresh new faces: Kurt Flynn and his son, Owen. They're on a camping trip in the woods and he's teaching Owen how to make a gimp keychain when suddenly the trees start thrashing and an enormous storm blows in (complete with magical blue fog. They ride it out in their tent, and when they emerge, it's to find that Storybrook has suddenly appeared. Obviously, we're flashing back twenty-eight years.

Kurt's truck was damaged in the storm, so they stroll into Storybrooke. Once there, Kurt tries to make sense of how a town can suddenly appear out of nowhere on a map, when up pulls a sheriff's car, we focus in on a pair of familiar work boots with leather laces, and blammo! Sheriff Graham cameo!!! YEAH BABY.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Let Me Off Of This Big, Red Train

I have a horrible Mom confession to make. Here it is:

I want to punch my daughter's uterus.

Not my daughter, mind you. Her, I adore. It's her internal ladyparts and their effervescing hormones that I have a serious bone to pick with. And yes, I know I just ended my sentence in a preposition. I'm a blogger. I don't have to be that grammatically correct. This is art, you know.

And besides, you don't want to eff with me. Not today,  honey.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Nordstroms, The Store Where Nightmares Are Made

These are mannequins.

Scary, scary mannequins.

They are at Nordstroms, and they quite possibly come alive at night and feast on the flesh of the living. Either that, or someone at Nordstroms is a huge Phineas and Ferb fan. I hope it's the latter.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I'm Glad I Didn't Know Then What I've Lived Through To Now

My daughter loves to watch true crime shows. All the forensic work the detectives do is fascinating to her. Last week, there was a particularly interesting story that sparked her curiosity, and she turned and asked me, “Mom, did you ever know anyone that was murdered?”

Yes, I did. More than one someone, I’m sad to say. Then she asked, “Did you ever think when you were my age that you’d know someone who got murdered?”

Well, of course not. If someone had listed all the terrible things that would happen in my life and given it to me then, I would have been completely freaked out.

Monday, March 11, 2013

What Can I Say, Kid? I'm A Product Of The Eighties

Dear Daughter:

I went to school in the eighties.

This means:

  1. My prom dress is far more embarrassing than yours will ever be 
  2. I used more hairspray in four years of high school than you'll use in your entire life 
  3. You're going to have to deal with me singing "Raspberry Beret" at the top of my lungs when I hear it on the radio. Complete with squeals, oooohs and shaking of the vehicle as I jam in my seat.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Once Upon A Time - Season 2, Episode 16 Recap: And You Thought Cora Was Hot As An Older Broad! DAYum!


Tonight we're in the Enchanted Forest, near a shabby looking windmill, and a man who's either dead, drunk or sleeping in a really awkward position. Guess number two turns out to be correct, when a beautiful young peasant woman pushing wheelbarrow rolls up and reads him the riot act. The drunken man is the local miller - that's the guy that grinds the grain into flour, for those of you who aren't busy reading trashy historical romance novels or active in the SCA.

The young woman delivers the flour to the nearby castle, and as she's hauling the bags, she's deliberately tripped by a snooty princess in a tiara and gorgeous dress. She falls, spilling a bit of the flower onto the princess's shoe. The king intercedes and refuses payment on the flour, and further demands an immediate apology - from the peasant girl - for having the audacity to dirty a princess's slipper. When the king condescendingly asks the peasant girl's name, we learn that she is none other than our own Cora, in her youth, and DAMN. Just...DAMN girl.

The king orders her to kneel, and then forces an apology by threatening to use another Miller. Cora glares up at the smug princess -now identified as Ava (yes, that Ava - Snow's mother as a much younger girl) and she gives her a stilted apology, with hatred shooting out of her eyes with the power of a thousand burning suns.


Friday, March 8, 2013

And This Just In...

According to Anna, David has told everyone on the school bus that our cat likes to poop on the carpet. And so does Mommy.

Oh, autism. You're a real hoot, ya know that?

I get to go to a school function tonight, so it's going to be interesting to see how they all look at me.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

I Was A Bad Mom Last Night, Or So I'm Told

It's hard being the sibling of a special needs kid. I know it is. I watch my daughter deal with this daily, just as I deal with being the Mom of a special-needs kid.

Just as my son deals with being a special-needs kid.

One of the things that can happen to my son, being a child with autism, is that he can be overwhelmed to the point of meltdown sometimes. I suppose we all can, but it happens a bit more frequently with him. And like any typical sibling, no one can push his buttons harder than his sister.

Monday, March 4, 2013

I Got Caught Saying Something Bad About Someone - And I Feel Terrible!

I have a coworker that I have an odd relationship with. I wouldn't call her a "frenemy", really - mainly because I don't believe in that term - how can someone be your friend if they treat you like an enemy? Stupid. I call those people at best "acquaintances" and at worst, I don't call them at all.

But back to my coworker. Who is someone I would honestly call more of a friend than anything else, I suppose. She's got a great sense of humor, and she's shown herself to be a caring person, in general. She just has a bad habit that I'm not even sure she realizes she has.

She's nosey.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Once Upon A Time - Season 2, Episode 15 Recap: Bad Blood And Killer Candles

We begin this evening back in the old Enchanted Forest with young Snow White, who is ready for her first birthday ball. Her mother (the breathtakingly beautiful Queen Ava) is prepared to give her the family tiara, but finds it being surreptitiously tried on by a servant named Johanna. Snow busts Johanna's balls over it, but gets jacksmacked by her mother, who makes it very, very clear that being royal doesn't give you carte blanche to be a jerk to anyone.

Snow is rightfully ashamed, and apologizes.Her mother reminds her that everyone is worthy of respect, and she wants Snow to always hold goodness in her heart and rule justly. A moment later, Mom lets out a gasp and collapses - showing us clearly that all is not well in young Snow's perfect kingdom.

Forward to Storybrooke, where Snow is clearly PMS-ing, because she's hacked at David for making her breakfast on her birthday (she prefers not to celebrate). David points out a strange, anonymous gift-wrapped package that was left outside their door for her, and despite the fact that people have been trying to kill them both for two seasons now, she just rips right in and opens it.

Inside the package is Snow's family tiara, and a note from Johanna, who is apparently in a town that's six blocks wide and in twenty-eight years, they've never seen her there before. Whatever.