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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Dear Daughter: Please Make Friends WIth Your Friends Again

My daughter is a lucky, lucky girl. She has three best friends (and numerous ancillary friends as well) but the three besties have literally grown up with her from the cradle. They live across the street, next door, and four houses down on our little street - four girls, all the same age within a few months, all in the same grade, and like any group of girls, they're a bunch of drama queens.

Most of the time, they get along great, and my house has been a swirling gateway of crazy antics (like wrapping themselves in blankets and sliding across the kitchen floor in what we called "The burrito wars") and general mayhem (marshmallow slingshots and dressing her younger brother in a coconut bra and hula skirt). We've had a lot of fun and they're a great bunch of girls. I love them like they were my own.

But this week is an off week, and Anna isn't seeking them out. They're not fighting, just not hanging out. Something about somebody knowing a secret in Minecraft and she didn't tell Anna and then Anna found out another one was texting from the other's house when she said she'd be at another friends....I don't really know all the specifics. I just know it's silly but they cycle like this. In a few days, the drama will be over and one or more of them will be over and the house will be wrecked and life will be merry again.

For now, though, it's rough. She's home, she's bored, and I'm expected to entertain her. It's like we're back to the toddler years again, and I'm expected to be engaging her every free minute that I'm home. If she's not begging me for a four hour Monopoly marathon (she always wins - always), she wants me to watch her do this or listen to that song or help her do this or stop what I'm doing and help her do that. I can't get a thing done, and add into that her brother (who, as a child with autism, demands plenty of my spare moments as it is) and it's a perfect storm of oh-my-God-I-love-you-but-please-get-out-of-my-face.

And then I get the Mommy-guilt that goes with feeling like that.

Is it so wrong to want my daughter's friends back? I'd call them myself if it wouldn't humiliate her beyond belief. I know she has to work this out for herself, but it's been well over a week and I'm getting way too snappy with her over all that I can't get done right now. I know I should be grateful she's not closeted in her room or staring down at her phone for hours and actually talking to her mother, but I need a little balance here.

I need to get stuff done. So please, someone send postive vibes to my daughter's pals and get them over the drama and back to our doorstep.

And then please remind me of this post in a few years when she's a teenager and not talking to her mother anymore.

Do you ever feel guilty when you resent your kid's demands for attention?

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