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Saturday, November 10, 2012

When You're Taking A Picture Of Cat Poo, You Know You've Gone Too Far

Ah, the weekend. I can sleep somewhat later (why is it my kids can't wake up on weekdays, but the slightest touch of sunlight to their eyelids on a weekend, and they're ready to bounce off the walls?) and everything's a bit more relaxed. I headed downstairs this morning only to be greeted halfway down the stairwell by a tell-tale stench.

Freakin' cat.

Once again, my older female cat has, in a fit of pique, pooped on my office carpet. She started doing this after we got our new kitten, and separate litter boxes did nothing to alleviate the situation. I've tried scooping daily, cleaning with urine-absorbing and pet odor eliminating products, running the carpet shampooer on a nightly basis before bed, and she still does it when the kitten bugs her too much.

So I headed downstairs, ready to grab the ever-ready plastic grocery bag and stack of cleaning products and paper towels, when I stopped short. Did my eyes deceive me? No - it couldn't be.

It was.

Her poop was shaped exactly like a hand with an extended middle finger. Seriously. It looked like a work of bizarre art with a twisted, feline message just for me. The bi---- wait, what the heck do you call a female cat? Well, she's the equivalent of the doggy epithet. What the hell, cat! Leaving me a fecal middle finger!

So I did what any ridiculous internet junkie would do: I grabbed my camera. I snapped the picture as I composed the post in my mind. Look at what my cat left me! Do you think she's still mad about the kitten? 

And then I'd follow that up with a couple of really cute pictures of the kitten. Isn't he adorable? How could you point a finger of poop at that fuzzy-wuzzy face?

And then I stopped myself.

So.It has come to this.

I am contemplating posting pictures of my cat's crap-pile on social media, supremely confident that my friends will share my fascination for it. This is surely a new low for me. How starved for internet affection have I become?

I deleted the picture, for the good of all. Someone has to take a stand, and tell the internet the madness has to stop. Today the finger of poop pointed at me, and I stepped up to the plate and did the right thing.

You'll just have to take my word for it that it was exactly as described. And most of all, you'll have to trust that the world is a better place because my cat's steaming pile of poo is not stinking up your screen.

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