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Tuesday, November 6, 2012

NaBloPoMo #6:If you were President of the United States, what would be your first act in office?

My mind immediately jumped to the obvious things on this writing prompt. I would abolish the electoral college! I would institute a flat tax rate for everyone! I would push harder for a working system of universal healthcare! I would subsidize colleges and universities! I would legalize gay marriage across the board! I would double the pay of our soldiers while performing combat duties and expand services to our veterans! I'd do it all and a million other great things.

Except, that's not how government works.

We have these things called the legislative and judicial branches, and another thing we like to call "checks and balances". I might want to do those things my first day in office, but in reality, things like that would take a lot of time and effort across multiple avenues to even begin to come to fruition.

The reality of it all is, were I elected President, my very first act would be to pour myself a drink. A big, big drink. And then I'd fall into an exhausted heap and sleep for the next two days straight before waking up and demanding a Cinnabon and a huge plate of bacon.

If I were the incumbent and had just won re-election, I'd pour that drink, take my spouse by the hand, and most likely defile the rug in the Oval office in a way that I probably shouldn't put into print. How much do you want to bet that's been done? Let's try not to imagine by who, alright?

OK, so you can guess by now I wouldn't make an ideal president. Maybe that job is best left to the people who actively seek out a gig like that. You know, the visionaries. The inspirational figures. The nutcases.

I'll just stay here in the huddled masses, dreaming of a nation where everything in that first paragraph comes to pass and there's liberty and bacon for all.

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