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Friday, October 26, 2012

I Need A Disposable House

I have finally figured out how I'm going to make my millions. I am going to invent a disposable house. Maybe not the structure, mind you - just most of the stuff in it.

I want carpets I can peel up and throw away after they get riddled with dropped yogurt, spilled juice, magic marker and cat barf.

I want a couch that I can fold up and shove in a dumpster after a child with a stomach and intestinal virus inhabits it for 48 hours straight.

I want a kitchen that I can flip a switch in, and it drops upside-down into an enormous garbage disposal where soapy jets of water would spray it and soft buffing cloths would shine the countertops, stove and cupboards to sparkling before it rotated back up, ready to go.

I want clothes biodegrade into quality potting soil after becoming stained beyond repair. And shoes that morph into tulip bulbs once the soles wear through.

I want windows that heat up with the slightest bit of sunshine, and like an oven with a cleaning cycle, they burn off every bit of accumulated filth. Only during school hours, of course.

I want it all, and I want it cheap.

Really, is that too much to ask???

I realize all this might take awhile to develop. I'd be willing to settle for a shirtless guy who looks like Ryan Reynolds doing all my housework, in the meantime.

I can be flexible.

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