I am in the middle of a swirling pool of drama. And I hate it. Hate. It. I can barely see to type this for all the hate burning out of my eyes. You have no idea.
And this is the worst kind of drama of all - unnecessary drama, created by someone other than me but it's landed on me now and I have to "fix" what I didn't ask for or perpetuate or even remotely instigate.
The why's and wherefore's aren't much, really. Just a misconstrued comment made to one friend that got passed on to another friend, who decided it was about her and now we're all upset.
It's all so very middle school.
Friend "B" had to email me with her hurt feelings, and now I have to wonder whether friend "A" actually made me look bad, or if friend "B" is just reading into the situation. I have reason to lean either way, as friend "A" has shared private conversations of mine before (and I watch what I say around her, believe me) and friend "B" has gotten upset before over something she read into my words that I hadn't said.
And I don't really care which it is, to be honest. I don't particularly feel like apologizing for hurt feelings that I didn't trample on. I'll apologize anyway, but every time some dumb drama goes down like this, I feel myself getting a little further away from the wonderful sisterhood of women I've been promised in all these great chick-flicks and chick-lits and blogs and magazine articles.
Where are these women? The ones who lift each other up? The ones who shrug their shoulders when some tiny drama like this plays out and say "Oh, then it must've been a misunderstanding. Not worth dwelling on."
Instead, I find a fair share of gossipy, ridiculous women who'd rather talk about each other and twist and amplify and feed the flames of drama because their lives are apparently in need of entertainment. The supporters and the no-big-deal kind of women are few and extremely far between.
In college, I had a few female friends. I had many, many more male friends, and not just because I was a size 6 with blonde hair down to my ass. I hung around the guys because they were just so much more casual and straightforward. They hate drama and they don't perpetuate it. If they've got a beef with you, they just say so, and once it's resolved, it's done and not revisited.
Women are a whole different thing, and you have to watch every inflection, every silence, every phone call, every forgot-to-make-the-phone-call - all of it. You have to second guess every syllable that comes out of your mouth or types out of your fingers. Maybe we've all watched too much "Real Housewives" and feel the need to make drama in order to keep our lives exciting. Maybe we all just need better hobbies that fulfill us enough that we don't feel the need to create a whirlpool of gossip and whispers and behind-the-back conversations to stimulate us. Whatever the reason, I am good and sick of it, and I have been for as long as I can remember.
That's enough ranting for now. I'll just be perpetuating the drama if I keep going on about it, and really, I'm over it now. I just wish I could count on them feeling like it's over, too. Because it seems like it never really is.