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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Dear Daughter: Let's Talk About (GULP!) Sex

Dear Daughter,

(Or should I say "Dear blonde-haired, blue-eyed, beyond gorgeous eleven year-old girl with a quick wit and an adventurous attitude who will no doubt be the object of many a teen boy's fantasy way before I'm ready for her to be...")

Let's talk sex. Maybe not right this minute, but soon. According to your father, the only word you need to know about sex is NO. N.O. Capital letters, please, and in bold font. You may substitute the word "never", but it should also be capitalized. Beneath the word, you may add your signature. In triplicate. There, all done.

Except, not quite.

As much as a part of me agrees with your father's advice, I'm a practical woman. You're going to have sex someday. Someday in the far, far future. Okay, maybe not so far, as time is marching on and I'm really uncomfortable that I just got reminded of that.

I digress.

The fact is, you will, most likely, have sex sometime. In fact, I want you to have sex eventually so as to provide me with a grandchild. Not that I'm pressuring, mind you. You've got your own life to live and kids may not be a part of that. I just know what you'll be missing out on if you remain childless, so you'll have to pardon me if I hint every now and again once you've married.


Yes, we have established that you will have it. Will you have a lot of it? Will that bother me? Do I want to know? I know you won't want me to know, and that's normal. I could easily say "Hey, don't be a slut, all right?". What is that exactly? I've known girls that would sleep with anything if it bought them a beer. I've known girls that have had multiple partners. Not all were sluts, believe it or not.

And that brings us around to sexual ethics. See, sex in it's simplist form is a basic, bodily function. "A" goes into "B", friction occurs, body fluids are expelled, snoring commences. The problem is, and especially for us girls, the brain is involved. Along with the brain sometimes goes the heart, and that's when it gets really messy. Yes, you can wrap your legs around someone as a consenting adult. You may wrap many other body parts as well. Easy enough, right? Wrong.

Is your partner already married?
Are you?

Do they have an STD they didn't tell you about?
Do you?
Or did you sleep with someone who did previously?
Did they?

Are they using birth control?
If not, are you?
Reliable birth control?

Do they like you?
Do you like them?
A little, or a lot?
Will they look at this as just another case of "A" slotting into "B" while you're planning a grand wedding and a life with them?
Or are you the one stringing them along?

Is your partner just another in a long line of partners?
Will you remember their name in the morning?
Did you even ask their name?
Will you be able to live with yourself if you answered 'yes' to any of the above?

Are you using them to get back at somebody?
Escape somebody?
Escape yourself?
Love yourself?

It gets complicated, doesn't it? A simple body function, with really no greater relevance to your day than going to the bathroom, can bring with it a host of emotional and ethical consequences, and you'll have to deal with all of them head-on, and possibly while you're a teenager.

Excuse me, I need to sit down.

So, in conclusion (and I do need to conclude this before I begin calling local convents and cloisters to plan your secondary education), let me say this about sex:

You're going to have it. I know that. Just know that you don't have to have it for any reason other than you really, truly want to and keep in mind that external factors (like spouses, boy/girlfriends, STD's, pregnancy and alchohol) can be a serious influencing factor and should receive extreme consideration before undertaking sex in any way. I guess I just have to hope that if I'm raising you to be a responsible, ethical person, it'll carry over into your bed as well.

Never mind that when I met your father in college, I was seriously under the influence of alchohol when he and I first had sex, and we didn't really evolve into a relationship until nearly a year later. That kind of crap happens, but it's not allowed to happen to you.

Should you theoretically have sex.
In the future.


Well, I can see this has been stupendously informative for both of us. Right? Right honey? [insert cricket sounds]

I love you. You know that. I want the best for you, and you know that, too. Most of all, I want you to want the best for bed or out of it.

I'm glad we had this talk. If you need me, I'll be curled up behind the sofa in the fetal position with a half-bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream and a five pound sack of Hershey's Kisses.



1 comment:

  1. We're all there with you! Sex, yes, someday? When? Just not now. :)