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Monday, March 19, 2012


I never was a good waitress.

Oh, I could remember any order, no matter how complicated or how many times somebody changed their mind during the deciding of the order. I was unfailingly polite - cheerful even. I knew how to work efficiently, and made sure all my tables were welcomed and attended to. I could line plates up and down my arms and deliver them steaming hot to exactly the right people every single time.

But I can't carry liquid if my life depended on it.

Why is that??

I have some kind of weird balance issue, and it only pertains to liquid. I have been known to juggle a sixty pound kid, a book, a handful of Legos, a cellphone and two half-empty bowls of Fruit Loops without the slightest bit of anything (including the kid) hitting the floor, but if you put so much as a teaspoon of water into the equation, all bets are off.

I had to carry a half a cup of hot tea across the hall at work today, and by the time I got back to my desk a few yards away, I needed to wring my pant leg out to be able to drink it.

Does the earth tilt oddly whenever I reach for anything that isn't solid? This really is perplexing to me.

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