Single Motherhood

Single Motherhood served with a side of Autism

Friday, October 24, 2014

Riding In The Car With Anna

Anna: Look! That guy had his arm out the window! What if I had reached out and yanked it when we drove by! 

Mom: That would have been cool! 

Anna: I could have ripped his arm right off!! 

Mom: Yeah!

Anna: And then I'd put it in a jar to preserve it!

Mom: Yuck, Anna.

Anna: In jelly. I think strawberry jelly is probably best.

Mom: Yeah, it probably is. It would smell best, anyway.

Anna: And then someday I'd show it to my prom date.

Mom: Well...that would be...uh...memorable.

Anna: And when I get married, I'll wait till my husband's asleep and I'll put it on his face so he wakes up and he'll be like WHOA THERE'S A HAND ON MY FACE AND WHY DOES IT SMELL LIKE STRAWBERRY JELLY and I'll hide and he will always wonder how that happened. 

Fun For A Friday: The Goofy Gallery Of Great Gadgets And Gifts

Products I need to buy for me:

Products I need to buy for others (you know who you are):

And that's what passes for amusement today, folks. Have a great weekend!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Pizza And Pedophiles - Welcome To My Secret Nightmare

I'm sharing this story today because it's weighing heavily on my mind. This didn't happen to me, but to a friend, and I won't use names, of course.

My friend's husband runs his own business, and one of his workers, who also happens to be a family member and only twenty years old, was on-site at someone's home, taking a break and eating some pizza.

A nine year-old boy from the neighborhood was skateboarding by, and the two of them got into a conversation about skateboarding and BMX, and soon after it was time for the 20 year-old to get back to work. He had a slice of pizza left in the box, and he didn't want it to go to waste, so he offered it to the kid, if he wanted it. The kid said no, and the 20 year old went back to work.

The kid went home and told his mom that guy working down the street offered him pizza, and Mom flipped out. She went down there and confronted the 20-year old, freaking on him royally for offering her kid food, calling him a pedophile and threatening to call the police. The 20-year old apologized profusely, more than a little freaked out himself, and thought that was the end of it. After all, he didn't ask the kid to get in his truck. He didn't follow the kid home. He didn't even know the kid's name or where he lived. He voluntarily gave the woman his name, the city he lived in,  and let her copy down the license plate number on his truck.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

And This, Ladies and Gentlemen, Is How You Handle A Fat Joke

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: Join Us....It's Blissssssss

It's a bit dramatic for hand lotion, don't you think?

I'm trying to figure out what everlasting sunshine smells like

It sounds like a great cult name, doesn't it? 

The Church of Everlasting Sunshine

Buy a bottle and support us as we spread a mild citrus aroma to all mankind

I'm doing my part, keeping a bottle on my desk at work

Spreading the message of our new moisturizing overlords

Resistance is futile

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I Have Seen The Enemy, And The Enemy Is Me

This started out as a post about my diet. Honest.

The thing is, I've been doing really well with it, that is, until last weekend. I went spectacularly off my diet. I went horribly, badly, overwhelmingly off my diet. We're talking half a sack of candy corn, grilled cheese and tomato soup, big bowl of buttered popcorn, ice cream and a meatball sandwich, didn't burn a single calorie off my diet.

Holy cow, was I bad. And I fully planned to write a post full of self-loathing at my complete inability to do this right. At my weakness. At my wretched, chubby self.

And then I decided maybe instead of a rant, I should look at the root cause, here. Why did I sabotage myself? What made me decide that all that junk was filling a need? Or a hole that I dug within myself?

What made me decide that all of that was worth the loss of all I've....lost?

It's time to face the awful truth.

I am a coward.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Once Upon A Time, Season Four, Episode Four: Captain Hook And His Naughty, Naughty Hand

We begin this week's tale with a visit from our old friend Zoso – remember him? I must say, his dental hygiene has improved. He’s here to provide valuable plot fodder – specifically, we learn that the reason The Dark One wants the sorcerer’s hat is because it’ll free him from the dagger and give him unlimited power. Unfortunately, nobody with a dark heart can touch the damn thing so he’s out of luck, and so is Rumpelstiltskin.

Meanwhile, back in Storybrooke, Henry, who previously thought Hook was God’s gift to cool, has suddenly decided that he’s not okay with him after all, but will let his Mom date the guy anyway.. Not exactly a ringing endorsement. Then we step inside Granny’s just in time to see Hook playing darts for the sole plot convenience of being able to miss his shot when Emma asks him out.

And with all due respect to the amazing face and demeanor of Mr. Colin O’Donoghue (for truly, he is a God among hirsute men), but nobody – I mean nobody – should be targeting that dart board but Sheriff Graham. Don’t sully that memory for me.