Single Motherhood


Friday, April 24, 2015

Fun On A Friday: Signs, Signs, Everywhere Are Signs...

Today's laugh is brought to you by signage, both informational and passive-aggressive. Signage can be highly entertaining. Just take a gander at these:

Come on, people. Really.

So there.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Ten Kinds Of Toxic People That You Should Avoid

Anna and I were having a discussion yesterday and of course, she's in middle school so there's a metric buttload of drama encircling her on a daily basis. One of her schoolmates is making her crazy because she's so possessive of her boyfriend. She won't allow him to have any friends at all. All of his time and energy must be directed towards her.

We talked about how this is low self-esteem at it's worst and I told her that for future reference, anyone who tells you that you have to shut down the rest of your life to be with them should be an immediate red flag to you, whether that's a friend or a romantic interest. This led to a rather spirited discussion of other "red flags" and I decided to put together a list.

If you see yourself on here, stop doing this stuff. Seriously.

1. The "Everyone's an asshole" person. If you've only lived next to asshole neighbors everywhere you've moved, if all your former employers were assholes who were out to get you, if you can name on more than one hand the former friends who were total assholes and treated you like a pariah - the common denominator there is you. You are the asshole in the equation.

2. People with a victim complex. This goes hand-in-hand with the aforementioned assholes. If you're constantly broke because of your bad decisions, if you lost your kids because your ex proved to the court that you drink too much, if you didn't get that promotion or worse, lost your job because you call out a lot or come in late - in short, if you're always in bad situations due to circumstances you directly could control, you are not a victim. You are careless, and irresponsible. Own up to it, and get over yourself.

3. People who talk all the time about how nice they are. They usually aren't. Nice people don't like to talk about themselves. And they don't talk - they do.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Mostly Wordless Wednesday: Here's To The Unsung Heroes

What's that? You need dinner reservations for six in forty-five minutes? 
No, make that seven? Nine? I've got it.
You need fourteen color copies of that presentation
GBC bound and driven through the pouring rain 
To the airport, before you get on the plane?
I've got it.
You need this horrific, disjointed spreadsheet
To look clean and readable and gorgeous?
I've got it.
You screwed up the Word doc template
And now the fonts are all wonky and the columns won't line up?
I've got it.
You have back-to-back meetings from eight to two
And can't get lunch?
I've got it.
Flowers on my desk for 
Administrative Professionals Day?
I don't get.
Oh well. Maybe next year.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

If You Love Someone, Let Them Go....To The Restroom

I woke from a very odd and very frightening dream this morning.

I had been in a crowded shopping mall with David, and we had finished our shopping for the day. I told him it was time to go, and he told me that he wanted to drive his own car home. Only he sort-of mentioned it while I was looking at my phone, checking Facebook, and I just smiled and nodded and told him okay, half-paying attention.

By the time I'd registered what he'd said, he was gone. 

I searched through the crowd but there was no sign of him. And (again, this is a dream) I was terrified because (a) he probably wouldn't remember where he even parked his car and (b) I knew he would never be able to drive home - he didn't know the way.

Nevermind that he's eleven, that didn't come into play in the dream at all.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Why I Don't Get To Use All My Best Anecdotes

My latest for Mom's Magazine:

Once Upon A Time - Season 4, Episode 19 Recap: De Vil Brings The Dark - And It's Delicious, Darling

We begin this evening's tale with a flashback to a young girl being chased through the woods by dalmatians - this is Cruella. Apparently Mommy is  more like Mumsy Dearest (they're big on Mommy issues in this show), who has great influence over her beloved dogs. Mumsy locks Cruella in the attic without the benefit of an incestuous family, and poor little Cruella (and really, who names their kid Cruella?") is sad and alone, and now thoroughly warped.

And now in present-day Storybrooke, we see just how far the damage has gone. Maleficent confronts Cruella, wanting to know what happened after Cru and Ursula landed in our world with baby Lily. Cru confesses without a shred of remorse that while it was very nice that the magic from the dragon egg helped her stay young (nice retcon, writers), she up and left baby Lily to die in the woods without a backwards glance. Maleficent turns into a dragon and Cruella is easily able to use her gin breath and persuade her to take a nap, remarking that people "Always underestimate a girl in diamonds and furs."

Meanwhile, back at the apartment, Emma is still bitchin' at the folks. Snow defends herself again because she's good, dammit! Regina walks in and lets them all know that Zelena is still alive and she's going to NYC to rescue Robin.

And where the hell is baby Neal? They've obviously just come in from being out, and no one is there, babysitting Neal. If he's at someone's house, why didn't they drop by and get him? Or at least call to check on him (especially since you just learned that the nutcase that snatched him from your arms is still hanging around)? I think Emma's right - the Charmings are less-than-stellar parental role models.

As seen at the Storybrooke Stop-N-Shop

Friday, April 17, 2015

Fun On A Friday: Another Installment Of "Today In The News"

Welcome to another Friday edition of "Today In The News!" Let's see what's going on around the world today:

At least they tried:

Facebook Friends, you have been warned: